So tonight is the first night I feel alone.
Not in the sense of "Oh I'm so lonely no one is there for me.
" but in the way of I have no one to cuddle me or kiss me goodnight, wrap me up in their arms and fall asleep together.
It's odd. I've been out of my last last what I would call a 'serious relationship' for just over a month now and I have not, until now felt this way, which I think is odd. It's just hit me though of how a custom you become to having someone else there, with you, buy your side. No matter how long you are together with another person, you're together because of a connection and once that's gone, you need to adjust to it.
Having someone lay beside you is a very personal thing. It exposes you to someone else. You open up and let them in. I don't want to be with person I used to be with, however I do miss the feeling of comfort being with someone else. I think a big hug from my best mate would have done the trick and made me feel better, but perhaps now I've had time to recuperate from the happenings of the break up it's time to move on and find someone that I'm interested in, I'm figuring out what I want next and what I'm looking for.
I think the best way for me to describe this episode of my life, this feeling is that this is part of my heart mending, becoming whole again, adapting and changing, although I've come to terms with what has happened and there is nothing I could do, and now on reflection would want to change. This is one of the stages and processes my inner core must go through in order to fully regenerate and let someone else in in the future. How Doctor Who of me.
It was once claimed that I was broken, and in a way I am, but I'm back on the right track, back on the path of life, not someone else's . To move on and make it, in essence, all better.
I'm through the emotional hate, love, passion, anger, tweet bad things, throw things at walls stage, and trust me when I say some methods have proven better than others. Now it's time to work on what's inside. My heart and my head, train my heart not to give so much, train my head to become a better judge and to make myself stronger and whole again as a person.
Labels: best friends, boyfriends, clo tomalin, Guest Post, hello i'm clo, lifestyle blogger, Mental Health, relationships, Self Care, Self Love