Time Flies When You’re Having Fun | Hello I'm Clo

Hello I'm Clo!

It’s odd how time flies when you’re having fun. I find something that feels like just yesterday can still contradict itself by feeling long ago. Dead, buried and over.

Which brings me onto today’s topic.

A few nights ago whilst reading a very funny graphic / doodle book on break ups from a mans point of view. A hilarious, yet insightful, account into the world of man. I read something, that somehow made my brain jump into a frenzy, connect dots and jump back to nearly three years ago.

The ‘Something’ was a doodle about how when you see your ex, face to face, over the phone or online, you act like the things you’d promise yourself that you’d do to make your life better post break up, had actually worked their way into your everyday life; such as going out more, learning to cook or simply watching less rubbish TV.

My frenzy quickly dawned on me and with that, I had to write. Not on my mac, ipad or phone. This was serious. It was time to put pen to paper and get out my journal. SHOCK HORROR

The notes and thoughts I wrote down were part intended to be read and part little niggley bits that the voice inside my head chipped in with.

When you go through a break-up, regardless of what happened or whos fault – or not fault it is, you somehow feel that you got something tangable out of the relationship, learnt something and yet still, feel as if you’ve got something to prove. You want to be ‘The Bigger Person’

My thing to prove is that I don’t deserve to be treated with disrespect or treated badly. However, that’s a different boyfriend and a very different story, one I’ll tell another day.

I digress.

Regardless of what your personal circumstances are, what your personality is like. You should never have to feel you have to prove your worth or desirability to another person. I, in my moment of frenzy was concerned, that one thought, in the ‘I’m going to prove you wrong’ phase ended up being a game changer for an old boyfriend of mine. If this thought was a catalyst, it definitely made it into his life.

When I broke up with said boyfriend three years ago for reason’s I cant even remember so I’ll put it under the ‘Young and in love’ life category.

We met years before we dated -I loved his laugh, his nervousness and the way I didn’t need to try and be someone else, something I desperately struggled with at the tender age of fifteen.  He too struggled with fitting in, largely due to the fact that  many people had issues with the way that he looked.

He was well built, perhaps a little tubby – yet who doesn’t go through that faze during growth!? It never bothered me.

Since we broke up we have only spoken a couple of times, last time we did was more than a year ago. We may not have spoken, but I’ve seen him. He walked straight past me last year with his new girlfriend he didn’t even recognize me. Despite the fact you may assume that these were the definitive factors for me, my one and only focus was on how much weight he’d lost.  If it hadn’t been for his girlfriend, his voice and his watch I too would have walked past completely unaware!

He’d lost so much weight it was odd to look at and just seeing that short, sharp snippet in that book made me wonder – 
Did he loose all that weight to prove a point or off his own will power and determination?

I hope it was that latter.

Looking at him made me realize how much I’d appreciated him the way he used to be, just the way he was. He was tubby, sweet and so so funny! I wouldn’t have had him any other way. I loved him for who he was and what he looked like.

If he did do it to prove  a point I hope he knows deep down that I wanted him and adored him just the way he was.

Never do anything just to please others, you’ll end up miserable and unhappy. Find what makes you happy and focus on that. You are your number one priority. If you feel you have to prove something to someone in order to make them love you or want you, they are simply not worthy of your love, care or attention.

I hope he finds happiness and is happy in his own skin, just like I have and I am thankful for the time we  spent together, as without him, my life would have taken a very different journey, for that I am truly grateful.

Just some of my thoughts,

Lots of love,

Clo :- ))

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