I've been in a pretty low place recently. Having so much time off ill, being in and out of hospital and away from work and university has really taken a big bite into my fast paced, travel filled, interactive life.
Whilst at first it was nice be be settled at home, except for the pain, after a while I got pretty sick of looking at the same four walls day in, day out. Unable to do anything to ease the pain and sleeping most of the day, I lost sight of my daily routine and responsibilities.
Behind on my university studies due to my time off sick and my pain medication leaving me unable to read a sentence clearly and absorb the sentences intentions I was left lulling, pondering and over analysing my life. What I'm doing? Where I'm going? and wether I've done enough to get where I want to be.
I even started to question my choices, have I made the right decisions recently that will positively impact my future? Will my university paper be enough to make the grade? Am i ready to become a fully fledged adult with bills, pensions and really big financial decisions? It was a stressful cycle that I couldn't seem to get out of. I have had a serious self belief issue over the past month, which is so far removed from my usual positive, self motivating, go getting self that it became scary, I didn't recognise the reflection in the mirror and to make matters worse, this was all in my head. Unvocalised, unshared with those around me. By brain was eating away.
A few weeks later:
But things get better. It's now a few weeks later and I no longer feel the way I did when I wrote this post. I'm much more balanced, recovering and getting back into the swing of life. It was only when I opened up to those around me about the way I was feeling that I started to feel better and that I has people's support to get better and back into my routine. It spurred me on and I'm grateful for that.
We all have down days, weeks and sometimes months, but I promise It does get better.